You Did Good, Child
by JaquieLemonLime
Summary: Why couldn't it have been as easy as pushing a button that made the fearsome enemy implode? No, it could never be that easy. Not when Shepard was involved.


**I know this isn't my usual thing. I've been all about Skyrim. But a month or two or three ago I discovered the greatness that is Mass Effect and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I just had to add my own thing, and hope that all the other story ideas will leave me alone. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Shepard had been through a lot in her short, human life. She'd seen the universe a hundred times over and still found the mystery in space, even though not everything she met was entirely _friendly_. She'd collected all different kinds of people with every mission she was given, and she'd even been there to watch some of them die. Hell, on more than one occasion, she'd lead them to their death. Yes, Shepard had been through a lot, but with the help of the people around her, she'd been able to force all the horrible memories back long enough to find a shred of happiness to keep her going. Never had she simply just "given up".

But there had to be a point in her life when she had to. There had to be a point in her short life when she looked up into the sky and asked why she'd been given all the impossible tasks. Breathing heavily, blooding pooling around her feet, and her eyesight fleeting, the soldier realized that this was the time; her breaking point.

The Reapers were obliterating everything around them, whether it be Turian, Human, Krogan, or Salarian. There was _no_ race not falling under their superior weapons. With their combined force, there was sometimes the spectacular sight of a Reaper just falling and breaking in space, giving everyone that much hope. But it was useless. The way things were going, they were soon to all be wiped out. There was nothing they could do.

But Shepard had been given an option. Her emerald eyes glance back over at the Catalyst, in the form of a boy she'd watch be blown to pieces. He had given her options, though none of them were what the redhead wanted to hear. Why couldn't it have been as easy as pushing a button that made the fearsome enemy implode? No, it could never be that easy. Not when Shepard was involved.

Destroy, Control, or Synthesize. Those were her options. And you know what? They all promised death. Shepard actually chuckled at the thought, though she winced afterwards. That's the only way it could have ended, though. Even when she'd threatened Alenko to come back to her in one piece, she'd already begun to accept that she wasn't going to make it out of this alive. She just didn't expect... well, _this_.

Shepard's fingers clenched around the pistol she'd found, her instincts yelling at her to _shoot the god damn thing_, but she shoved it down. She'd learned a long time ago that shooting and asking questions later never seemed to work out for her.

The Reapers would be blown to smithereens, the most excellent firework show the galaxy had ever seen, and it would be a thing to celebrate, but there was a price, a price too high to pay. With them she'd be taking out the Geth, probably every kind of technology allowing those dreadnaughts to _fly_, and closer to home, an unshackled VI that was racing through space keeping her maybe dying crew alive. No; Shepard had easily killed thousands of people for the greater good, but shooting down the Citadel would do more harm than good.

But it wasn't as if Shepard could _control_ these wild robots that were currently destroying her home planet. She'd seen the Illusive Man, watched as he tried to defend to her that he truly was in control; like Saren had. Both were wrong. Their minds were too weak to possibly have the chance at controlling this race. And Shepard wasn't a fool. There was nothing special about her. She couldn't control the Reapers, couldn't make them bend to her will. Not like the world would want someone like Shepard controlling those things and pretty much becoming a god. The thought made her smile and laugh again.

Synthesis. That went against everything that all these species were _fighting_ for. To blend synthetics and organics together, whether physically, mentally, or any other way? Even thinking it sounded wrong. Would it take away each individuals free will? Would it _really_ solve anyone's problems? Did anyone think that this would just bring world peace? They'd find some way to fuck it up, she was sure. But… everyone would live. Everyone would live to see another day. EDI and Joker could continue their really creepy, but cute, relationship, Legion's "death" wouldn't be in vain, and everyone could stop fighting. The war would be over, things could go back to normal…

Shepard took staggering steps forward, her green eyes locking with the glowing blue beacon in front of her. It hurt to move, to breathe, to even think anymore. The blood puddle turned into a trail as she slowly moved, her hand becoming too weak to even hold the simple pistol. It dropped to the floor with a metallic clang that was as silent as a pin drop compared to the blaring in Shepard's head.

"_It's good to have you back," Shepard sighed, running a hand through her tangled hair, trying not to stare too hard at the Turian's bandaged face and fucked up armor. Despite the pain he was in, the man chuckled and gave the woman a small smile._

"_There's no Vakarian without Shepard," Garrus had said teasingly, nudging his best friend while she grinned at him. _

"_I think you mean 'There's no Shepard without Vakarian'. My name goes first."_

_Garrus had rolled his cat like eyes, but hadn't corrected her statement, only making the redhead's grin larger._

Shepard stumbled harder, seeming to trip on thin air, and fell to her knees, making her cough up a sickly mix of blood and something thicker she didn't even want to think about.

"_And here comes the biggest hero in the galaxy to save the day! The most handsome pilot this universe has ever known; Jeff Moreau! Take that, you Reaper scum!"_

"_Joker, what are you doing with my SR1 and Sovereign ship models?"_

"_Shepard, we have an eight hour flight ahead of us. Unless we suddenly end up in a dense asteroid field, I don't have a _need_ to fly the _Normandy_. Let a man have some fun with his toys!"_

_Shepard gave the man a long blink before she sighed. "EDI, make sure he doesn't destroy my models. I'm quite fond of those."_

"_Of course, Commander."_

"_Great, I'm being babysat by a damned AI."_

"_An _unshackled _AI, Mr. Moreau."_

_Joker groaned._

Shepard's body shook violently as her body started to fail her. She'd gone through too much to think she could get up. Every bone ached with bruises, fractures, and she was sure more than one was broken. None of her wounds had clotted yet, and her blood flow was the only steady thing about her. She just wanted to rest, but she knew what would happen if she did. She'd die here without making a goddamned difference. Why would her body fail her now after all the things she'd been through?

"_You know, Commander, you wouldn't have to sit there and give me the stink eye if you would just stop getting shot," Chakwas mumbled, catching Shepard's glare as the older woman passed by._

"_Chakwas, getting shot and injured is my job."_

"_I thought saving the galaxy was your job?" _

"_Well, I'm better at getting hurt than saving _anything_, so…"_

"_Shepard," Chakwas sighed, coming over to rest a hand against on the redhead's shoulder, "I'm not much for sentiment, but… there's no other Commander I'd rather be behind than you."_

_Shepard stared at her hands after that, letting Chakwas continue patching her up, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face._

Every part of the woman's body ached, burned and stung with past and present wounds. Bullets long removed from her body gave a phantom pain, and every broken bone she'd ever had, even as a child, decided to feel like they were breaking again. Shepard had to focus on her breathing when her throat seized, reminding her of how she had died.

_Shepard had never put her armor on so fast in her life, despite how hard the ship under her feet was rocking. Inside her head she cursed as she pushed an ammo clip into her gun, more out of habit than needing it—like a bullet was going to stop that _thing_ that was chasing them. As she secured her helmet in place quickly, armored footfalls caught her attention._

"_Shepard!" Liara's panicked voice echoed, turning her attention behind her. Before the redhead could say anything, an explosion knocked them over, making them both groan. Not wasting any time, Shepard jumped up and grabbed a cryo container._

"_I want everyone off of this ship and into the escape pods, now!" she barked, glaring at the mess before her through her helmet._

"_Joker's still in the cockpit; he won't abandon ship."_

"_Shit, the little bastard."_

"_I'm not leaving either, Shepard," Liara said, her voice strong, not a sliver of uncertainty in her voice. She'd come a long way since they'd first met._

"_I need you to make sure everyone makes it out, T'Soni! That's an order. I'll go get Joker."_

"_Commander," the Asari whispered, pleaded._

_Shepard only looked back at the woman's sad eyes for a second. _

"_Liara, get the hell out of here!"_

_Shepard regretted those being the last words to the woman before she was spaced._

Who the hell was she kidding? Shepard could never make it, could never fight against her death. She'd tried before on the Normandy, and look where it had gotten her. Dead. Cerberus had given her a second chance, but there wasn't another two years to waste to fix her up like new. She'd had close encounters before, but her team had been her strength. Knowing they needed her had driven her to keep going. They were her life line. But now, she was alone.

Tears now flowed as steadily as her cooling blood, making a clean trail down her dirty and beaten face. She'd come so far, her team had done so much. Why would the solution be inches from her fingertips? Why was it that she could never get a complete victory? She had cleared out Torfan, but lost her entire squad. She'd commanded the Normany, but at the expense of the newly deceased Anderson. She'd defeated Saren, only to reveal the true threat. She'd watch too many of her people die in the name of a weapon against the enemy that hadn't even _worked_. And now, she had found the true weapon, but would die before she could ever get there. She was useless. She had been ready to die for the cause, but now she felt she deserved it.

"_I can't stand the thought of losing you, Shepard," Kaidan said, his voice shaking, "When I think about all those close calls, all the times you could have died when you didn't… my heart stops. Maybe it's wrong, maybe if this mission doesn't go according to plan, we'll be charged for it... But if we don't take this chance and I watch the life go out of your eyes—I'll regret it for the rest of my life, whether I live to be 100 or die seconds after you."_

_That had been the first time Shepard had cried since her father died, though there were only a few tears. She placed her hand on Kaidan's cheek and whispered his name, closing the distance between them with a single kiss._

_After her death, and resurrection, things had been tense between them. After coming together, Horizon being their last words, it had almost been impossible being that close to him and not kissing him senseless. But he still doubted her, still didn't understand that she was the _real_ Shepard._

_Then that Cerberus doctor, who was now EDI's mobile platform, had tried to take his life. He'd fallen to the ground motionless, and Shepard had been overcome by rage and shot the platform until it crumbled to the ground. He could have died. He was bad, but he wasn't dead. Not yet, anyway. The whole trip to the Citadel, Shepard had been shaking. She couldn't lose him._

_She stayed by his side as much as she could, which wasn't much with everything going on around her, but every time she came back, nothing had changed. He was stable, but he wasn't awake. He might never wake up._

_While they caught up on the supplies they needed, Shepard watched Kaidan's slow breathing, her eyes wet as she squeezed his hand. She was growing desperate. All she wanted was to hear his voice, to see those beautiful eyes, to see that smile that made her heart flutter. But he was sitting there, battered and bruised. Maybe dying. _

"_Kaidan, please," she whispered, voice thick with emotion, "Don't die on me. You're too important to this mission, too important to the Alliance… too important to me. We need you. _I need you_."_

_His breathing was still deep and steady, his grip still lax in hers. She finally let the tears and sobs escape her and she began to shake._

"_That should be me, lying in that bed. It should have been me she was trying to kill, not you. Hell, none of this would have happened if I had just stayed dead three years ago… You would have moved on, someone better could have played the hero, and there wouldn't have been so many deaths. I should have stayed dead, and you would be okay. I want to die. Goddess, Spirits, _whoever_, I just want to die. I don't deserve to live."_

_Suddenly, the grip on her hands strengthened, feeling too strong for the man that was now staring into her emerald green eyes with anger and determination._

"_You've been through_ hell, _Shepard. You killed Saren, got killed yourself, got brought back to life to fight without a second to regain yourself, and here you are, fighting again. You are the hero of our galaxy. No one deserves to live as much as you. Don't you ever leave me like that again. You're too important. To the galaxy, and to me."_

"_Kaidan—!"_

"_Promise me, Shepard," he interrupted, eyes not leaving hers, "Promise me you'll keep fighting no matter what. Promise me you won't ever give up."_

"_I promise," the woman swore before kissing the man she'd been without for too long._

"I made a promise," Shepard hiccupped, closing her eyes tight against the pain and she pushed every single part of her body to make her stand, "A promise to never quit. A promise to protect and serve as long as this body was able. A promise to never die without a fight. And god damn it, this is my last fight, and I won't die until it's finished."

As she stumbled forward, she imagined the many hands of her crew, her friends—dead or alive—pushing her forward, smiling at her and nodding their respect. They've always believed in her, their respect never wavering. They knew she's done her best to save them. In the back of her mind, she can hear their whispered thanks and quiet apologies.

With a wet smile, Shepard picks up the pace, somehow finding the strength and energy to run. Her blood trail followed her as her body jumped into the Beacon.

Her life flashed before her eyes, though not the way she had always thought. She was supposed to see her mistakes, her failures in life, knowing that she truly had things to repent for. But all she sees is them. Her friends, the people that had been there from the beginning. They smile their goodbyes and let her go.

In the end, as her skin turns black and starts to burn away, she can't even feel the pain.

* * *

Blood is caked to her skin and armor, the wounds visible still drenched in blood, but no longer flowing with it. With effort, Shepard opens her green eyes and stared at the emptiness around her, wondering why she still had a physical body, why she could suddenly _feel_ her pain again, and trying to figure out where the hell she was.

"Hey Commander!" a familiar voice spoke, making Shepard turn around with wide eyes, her shock strong enough to ebb the pain.

"Jenkins…" she whispered, the name of a man that had haunted her for a long, long time. He gave her a big smile and saluted eagerly, exactly like he had while he was still alive.

"_Alenko, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Shepard had exclaimed, running over to the pair of soldiers. Her first instinct had been to check on the eager one, but Chakwas had that part covered. Instead, she turned to reprimand the biotic for maybe _killing_ the private when she was interrupted._

"_Jenkins—"_

_Turning around, Shepard watched as the young man jumped up, his eyes wide with excitement. "That. Was. AWESOME!"_

"How—what—"

"Don't sound so surprised, Shepard, this is the afterlife, after all."

The next man appeared next to Jenkins with a quick fade, his Turian grin one she had been familiar with. Eyes, the same deep color as hers, shone with pride and happiness.

"_I have one question… Why me? What's so special about me that I'm being evaluated for a possible Specter candidate?" _

_Nihlus turned his matching eyes towards the human and gave her his Turian version of a smile. "You've been through a lot Shepard. Made the hard choices that no one else would want to make. You've proven yourself worthy to protect and serve at all cost. Not many other humans I've met are like you. It'll be my pleasure to serve with you on the battle field."_

"Nihlus, sir…" Shepard sputtered, her eyes growing even wider as more and more people began to appear in what she thought had been her empty hell. There were so many. Some in the back had been long ago dead, and some she barely recognized, but they were all there to greet her. The faces most important to her met her at the front, and the redhead's heart clenched in her chest.

"Did you think the hero of the galaxy wouldn't be welcomed to afterlife with open arms?"

Besides Nhilus, Ashley Williams gave her Commander a wink and chuckle. "Come on Shep, I know you can be dense sometimes, but use that noggin of yours."

"_You know it's the right choice, LT," Ashley's static voice had answered, her tone as hard as usual. Shepard closed her eyes and closed her hands into fists._

"_I'm sorry Ash. I had to make a choice."_

"_I understand Commander," the Gunnery Chief said, sounding sad but with a smile in her voice, "I don't regret a thing. Teach that bastard Saren a lesson for me, okay? Williams, over and out."_

"_Siha_, I told you I would be waiting for you across the sea. I always keep my promises," Thane continued, that gentle and patient smile on his face.

_Shepard had held his hand through the prayers, her other hand stroking his fevered forehead. They had never been romantic, but damn it if she wasn't going to be there for this man in his time of need. They'd been through a lot together, and learned so much from one another._

_She closed his eyes as the life left him, and made a small prayer of her own. "May you rest in peace across the sea, Thane."_

"Never believed in afterlife; it is strange, but welcome. Do not look gift horse in mouth, as humans say. Good to see you again, Commander," the ever quick talking Salarian blurted, smile on his face.

_Shepard had always seen the doctor cool and collected—well, as collected as a man like him could get—but seeing that shred of fear, if only for a second, made her stop in her tracks. He was really determined to do this. There was no dissuading him._

"_Never did run test on those sea shells."_

"_I'm sorry Mordin," she whispered. Mordin heard her over the crashing of the falling debris and gave her a smile._

"_I'm not. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong. Goodbye Commander. Was a pleasure."_

"Shepard-Commander," Legion saluted, his brow plates up in what the redhead could only assume was a happy expression for a Geth, "Our souls welcome yours."

_Shepard's fists had dug into the ground, fisting the too dry sand between her fingers as she tried to push back tears. She'd fought against hundreds, _thousands_ of Geth. Why had the loss of this one meant anything else?_

_Because he had been one of hers, had been closer to her than some of the crew she had in her life time. And for peace, for the safety of the whole entire galaxy, he'd ignored the woman's pleads to think of another way. In his synthetic voice, she could almost hear the smile as he told her goodbye._

"_Yes, Legion," Shepard choked, "You have a soul."_

"Do we really need to be so goddamn sentimental about this?" Zaeed's rough voice grunted, scarred and tattooed arms cross over his chest. However, he had that ever present smirk on his face.

_London was a bloody mess, both figuratively and literally. There were bodies thrown everywhere, mixed races fallen with their scared eyes looking into the sky. But Shepard's eyes were all for the dying merc beneath her._

"_You gave this old man a good run, ya' daft bitch," he'd coughed out, not even bothering to wipe away the blood that trailed down his mouth._

"_It's been my pleasure working with you, you old son of a bitch," Shepard said sincerely, resting a hand on his tattooed arm. The scarred man gave his Commander one last look and a half-hearted salute before his eyes lost that angry spark._

_Face set in stone, Shepard collected Jessie from the man's side and stood up, forcing her team to push forward. She'd fight on for that mother fucker._

The last person her eyes fell on was a man she'd seen only hours before, though he looked in much better condition than she. Anderson, arms back in that military stance they all knew, walked towards her. His eyes were kind and full of warmth. He no longer looked ragged with the problems of the world on his shoulders, and Shepard thought it was a good look for him. His Military formals looked good on him.

_With a shaky sigh, Shepard fell next to Anderson's still warm body, grabbing his hand and closing her eyes._

"_You were the one person I never thought I would lose. Hell, you raised me to be the woman I am today. Put up with all of my bullshit because you knew I was a damn good soldier. There isn't a single person I would have wanted to die with more than you, sir."_

_A gentle smile graced the redhead's lips as she waited for death to take her._

"_Shepard? This is Hackett. The Catalyst isn't responding."_

Anderson didn't stop walking until he was almost directly in front of the wounded woman. She looked up at him, feeling as small as she had when she'd first met him, but that calm smile soothed her. With only a moment of silence, the soldier laid his hand on her shoulder and looked directly into her eyes.

"You did good, child. You did good. Your part is over."

And just like that, Shepard broke. She fell to her knees again, though this time not from pain. Loud sobs racked her body, her tears falling down so steadily she was sure she'd drown them all in a matter of moments. She let herself go, let herself feel the relief. She didn't have to fight any more. Now, she could die and live a peaceful after life. Now, she was _home_.

The hands of all her friends touched her broken armor, somehow giving her their warmth through such a simple touch. She could only sob harder, but it was out of relief and joy; they knew that.

"Thank you, Shepard. For everything."


End file.
